Bittersweet December

We have all tasted the bitterness of death. It is never welcome, yet always shows up uninvited; sometimes unexpected and sometimes arrives slowly but surely. It never shows mercy to anyone. Death is cruel and heartless.

December 1, 1968 is the day my brother Johnny had a fatal car crash. Today marks 45 years since he’s gone and I miss him more every year. He won’t be at our Christmas dinner. I can’t call him on the phone to hear his voice. I can only see his beaming smile in old photos.

Johnny - age 12

Johnny – age 12

I still remember crying profusely at the grave as they lowered the casket into the ground, like a scene from Dr. Zhivago. It was bitter cold, tears stinging my face, a sharp pain in my heart; more pain than a sensitive 16 year old girl can bear! It was all so surreal, like watching a horrible movie!

Johnny's stoneJohnny was a fantastic drummer and an ardent Beatle fan. While meandering through Central Park NYC in August, we stopped at John Lennon’s Imagine memorial (across the street from the Dakotas where he was brutally murdered on December 8, 1980). There are hundreds of people stopping by for pictures everyday. I had to wait my turn in line. I sit and reflect, what a tragedy!

imagineChristmas can be a sad time of year for many: those who are losing loved ones right at this moment and people who have lost family and friends this year and in years gone by.

To all who have lost someone they love: it is inevitable, but there is hope. May the message of Christmas bring you peace and comfort.

“Good tidings of great joy we bring to you!”

❤ the Angels

About carmen

Let’s make the world a better place with compassion.
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22 Responses to Bittersweet December

  1. Best Place ! 🙂 and with Pink :)<3 wow 🙂


  2. So sorry to hear about this. I’ve lost both of my parents. Sending peace and joy for this holiday!


  3. Ileana Trofin says:

    For a mother, the death of her child is the death of her own being! Her heart and mind are lost, and her soul wanders places to find her beloved child… However, there are so many true stories of mothers with unbreakable faith that gave them strength to overcome the bad in their lives and find their soul healed by goodness and forgiveness. You can be a witness of one of those true stories in a recent film named “Philomena”. I recommend it to you, dear Carmen, with all my heart! It’s a very touching Christmas present too…


    • carmen says:

      Well said Ileana! Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

      I look forward to watching this inspirational film that you have suggested. I love watching true stories!!



  4. dan says:

    So sad the loss of a dear brother, so sweet your memory of him. . .


  5. Wow Carmen … that is so sad, I am truly grieved for you and your family that you experienced and continue to experience this loss. I am so thankful though that you do know the One who brings us a peace that passes understanding and hope for this life and the one ahead. Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you.


    • carmen says:

      Thank you Julie! Your words are comforting and so true, we have no guarantees that life will be easy, but we do have many promises. God makes promises and He keeps promises. I look forward to the promises in Revelation 21:4 – NO MORE DEATH

      “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”



  6. You’ve had more than your share of tragedy Carmen. I’m so sorry that you lost your brother in such a tragic way – he was so young! I love the hope you share here, however. I hope that Christmas brings you peace and comfort girlfriend. Celeste 🙂


  7. Peace to you. What a handsome brother.


  8. I never knew my uncle Johnny, but I know the sadness and loss the family felt because of his early passing. Losing someone is never easy, but December is extra hard, I think, because it’s supposed to be such a happy time. Sometimes that only amplifies our sorrow.


    • carmen says:

      Thank you Jean! It’s true, Christmas is supposed to be a merry time, an occasion to celebrate and rejoice! That makes it very difficult for people who suffer hardships at this time of year, including homeless people and people without families.

      I wish you had known your Uncle Johnny. It was a most devastating time for us, especially Oma. The greatest tragedy for a mother is to lose her child. A child is not supposed to die before his/her mother. It took Oma a long time to get out of her depression. She came back to life when you were born!! ❤️


  9. Bob says:

    Janet and I went to two visitations this afternoon…two families are each grieving the loss of their husband, father, grandfather, uncle…….at least each had lived 3 score and 10 plus….but, as you say, death is never welcome!


  10. josepmbadia says:

    Carmen, you have my hug. I can imagine how you feel when you remember this sad loss. The death of such a young brother is very hard. Today I listen to “Imagine” thinking of you as a sign of friendship with you, and as a tribute to Johnny. Your photo sitting on “Imagine” my eyes moistened. A kiss.

    Liked by 1 person

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